Telling our children NO is something many parents dislike doing. We WANT to give them the world! We want better for them than our parents were able to do for us. But one of the lessons I've learned is that by NOT giving them the world, I AM giving them the world! So how have I raised my children? Not how the Jones' Family has done it, that's for certain.
1. When they're 16, they get a JOB. I know, party-pooper Momma, right? Both of my girls got a job at Massanutten when they turned 16. Yes, until they hit the magic age of 16-and-3-months here in Virginia, I had to drive them to and from work each day. But they earned their own paycheck because I do not believe in entitlements.
2. They need to buy their own CAR. The oldest child and we struck a deal when she turned 16 in September 2011. We would match her savings, dollar-for-dollar (up to $2000) toward her first car. Little sister had gotten to go to Europe for 10 days that year, and this seemed like a pretty fair compromise. If Em saved $2000, we would put up $2000. If she saved $50, we would pay $50. By the time she was ready to get her license in December, she had saved $943 working part-time. But then, it was Christmas time. Daddy has a talent with cars, and he had been working on one and had about $800 in it - a 1995 Pontiac Grand Prix that she REALLY liked. So we opted to give her the car for Christmas ONLY because it made no sense to spend $400 on her for Christmas for things she wouldn't love as much and then ask her for $400 toward her car! It was a different story with younger sister - she'd gotten that trip, so there was no offer of matching funds. While Daddy did purchase the 99 Explorer for her and get it in good running condition, she's been working and making payments on it.
3. CARS COST MONEY! Each of the girls was expected to pay $100 of the $250 Driver's Ed course. Each paid her own titles, taxes, and tags (about $100 in VA for the vehicles they have). Each pays their portion of the car insurance every single month. And each is responsible for her own gas, maintenance, and repairs. When the oldest whined about the cost of gas and how much it took to get to the vocational school, I reminded her that there was a FREE bus that ran from the high school each day. And when she asked for $20 to put gas in her tank until Friday, I loaned it to her only once. After that, I told her that the school bus stops at the end of the driveway, she needed to plan her expenses and budget for them. Taco Bell is not a necessity when there is food at home.
4. Always save for a Rainy Day When the oldest graduated, she received about $1500 in cash gifts from friends & family. I lectured until I was blue in the face about stashing it away for while she would be at school, that she wouldn't have a job with an income. Her job would be school. She also worked full-time all summer. But when I took her to school, she had $10 in her bank account. She was dead broke and hated it. Grandma would slip money into her bank account every now and then, but Em learned that "Mother Knows Best". I heard her last week preaching to one of her friends that will graduate this year - "Save your graduation money!". Unfortunately, she learned that lesson the hard way. Now she's stashing cash again.
5. The 18-year-old pays Rent to live at Home. Now before you chide me about being heartless, let's clarify this one. She wants her own apartment. We live in a college town, which means there is ample housing, and it's not cheap. She estimated that her living expenses in one of the apartments would run her about $400 per month. So now she pays that rent at home. Not only does it get her used to paying it on time each month, she's learning to live within her means. And what happens to all of that rent money? It's in an envelope in our safe, waiting for the day she decides to move out. I will hand it all back to her for things like deposits, stocking her pantry, toilet bowl cleaner... whatever she needs to successfully set up her own place.
My girls used to whine to me about all of their friends whose parents bought them brand new cars, their friends don't have to work, their friends don't have to pay for gas... Now they tell me, "I may have to pay for my own things, but I see how spoiled some of those kids are and I know that in the end I won't struggle or be calling Momma & Daddy when I can't pay my bills."
And that's the best compliment they could pay me. That I raised them to be responsible. It's not about the money as much as it is how to handle the money.
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